Don't Get Caught in the All or Nothing Spiral
I see this all too often in patients who are wanting to create a change in their life.
They hone in and make their game plan, they feel hyped up and committed, and they get going and then slip up and go totally off track.
This is the all or nothing spiral.
It’s foundation is in an unrealistic or unattainable goal and toxic perfectionism.
We slip into the belief that if we miss one day at the gym, or eat a cookie one day, that all of our progress has somehow been undone, and we might as well just give up and go back to our old habits.
Then we remember why we wanted to change those habits, get hyped and committed, and start over.
This spiral gets us a whole lotta nowhere and causes us a whole lotta grief in the process.
How to Avoid the All or Nothing Spiral
1. Set Realistic Goals
When we desire a change, it’s easy to get caught up in what we want and think the quickest way to get there is to go hard. We set goals to work out every day, to eat vegan starting today, forever, or we don’t actually have an action plan and just bee-line for our desired result. (Learn how to set supportive, attainable goals here.)
Set a goal that is challenging, but that you know you can succeed at, and then set another one once you reach that.
We thrive off of reward, and ‘winning’ more often makes you more likely to keep at it!
2. Leave Room for Joy
Healthy living is about balance.
Let me repeat that: Healthy living is about balance.
Being healthy doesn’t mean you’re never going to eat a french fry for the rest of your life. Healthy living doesn’t mean you’re never going to skip leg day.
Leave room in your goals for joy, for play, for pleasure. Happiness is just as important as health.
3. Have Grace and Compassion for Yourself
This is a big one. One that many of us struggle with. A good way to look at any setback, is how would you react if a 5-year-old did the same thing you did? Would you tell them they’re a failure, they’ll never be healthy, or they may as well give up?
No, you’re going to tell them that it’s okay, and they can try again tomorrow. You might even hold space with compassion that they did their best, and acknowledge all of the great work they already did so far.
Treat yourself with that same compassion.
4. Remember Each Moment is a New Start
You don’t have to wait for Monday, or the start of a new month or a new year to start again.
You have the power to choose something new in each and every moment.
Did you eat a cookie this morning? Does that mean you may as well pick up cheese fries and skip your walk and eat popcorn? If that’s what you really want, go for it! But you can also choose any version of that that is in touch with your deepest desire.
You don’t need to attach your ‘start’ to anything other than your power to choose.
5. Focus on Improvement, Not Perfection
Creating markers that allow you to track your progress allows you to have a tangible way to look at how far you’ve come.
If you find yourself entering a spiral because you didn’t do it ‘perfectly’ looking back at these can give you the boost of motivation to keep going and not lose sight of why you started.
Check out this post for 7 ways to track your health that aren’t a scale.
6. Get Some Support
Cycles of self-sabotage, like the all or nothing spiral, can sometimes be an indication of deeper unresolved issues.
Sometimes we resist change and the things we deeply desire because, on some level, we feel unworthy of them. We then sabotage ourselves and ‘fail’ at reaching our goals, and so that part of us feels validated. It’s like an ‘I told you so’ with our wounded inner child.
If you find yourself hitting up against cycles like this often, a trusted professional such as a coach, counsellor, or therapist could support you in breaking the pattern and reaching your goals.
I hope that this article leaves you gentler with yourself. The world is hard enough as it is without you also being hard on yourself.
See you on the upward spiral!