Use This Tool to De-stress Your Relationships

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, many of us have got love on the mind. But we’d be kidding ourselves if we thought relationships were all red roses and stuffed bears. 

Relationships can be HARD at the best of times, let alone in such a stressful time. Especially if you’re quarantined together. 

What can make relationships a lot easier to navigate is learning certain emotional awareness tools that help you better understand yourself, your needs and the needs of your partner. 

This tool also opens up a new dimension and depth in your communication and connection to one another. 

Note: Although this is presented in the context of romantic love, this concept can also be applied to any relationship: business, friendships, family, etc. 

Learn to Speak the Same Love Language

If you haven’t heard of Gary Chapman’s work in the 5 Languages of Love, get ready to have your socks blown off. 

The concept of the 5 Love Languages can be a major key in resolving relationship conflict and creating a more fulfilling relationship for both parties. 

What this framework examines are the different ways in which people give and receive love. 

Oftentimes when there is conflict in a relationship, it’s because partners aren’t ‘speaking the same language and so are left feeling like they are giving more than they are receiving from their partner, which leads to resentment, hurt, and anger. 

The 5 Love Languages are: 

1. Words of Affirmation

This Love Language communicates and shows their love through words. This could look like saying “I love you” giving praise and compliments, a love note, or wanting verbal confirmation and clarity on how someone feels. 

2. Physical Touch

While many people immediately think of sex when they think of this Love Language, it actually encompasses a lot more than that. Things like hand-holding, a massage, a little pat on the back, or a hand resting on a shoulder are ways this Love Language can be shared in addition to time together in the bedroom. 

3. Acts of Service

Do you feel the most loved up when someone cooks you dinner or runs errands for you? Maybe your partner fixing your car, or helping you finish a project. Acts of Service is a Love Language that likes to show love through action. 

4. Quality Time

This Love Language loves nothing more than to just be together. It could be spent doing something you both love, like going for a hike, or going out to eat, or it could be spent on a lazy Sunday doing nothing. What matters most to this Love Language is that you’re together. 

5. Meaningful Gifts

These are the people who love to give or receive tokens of appreciation, be it flowers, a sweet card, a romantic dinner, your favourite ice cream. The feeling behind this love language is that the other person was thinking of you, or you were thinking of them, and know them and what they love. Sometimes people judge this love language as ‘materialistic’ but it’s really just about love and appreciation and is a beautiful thing when you look at it through that lens. 

One thing to note here is that you can have more than one Love Language (I mean, they are all great!), but that there will be one that is the most important to you. It is also possible to like to GIVE in a different language than you RECEIVE. 

What These Look like in Action

Once we are aware of our own Love Language, we can better communicate our needs to our partner, and also gain perspective and understanding of their Love Language and how they are showing up with their love. 

For example, if your partner’s Love Language is Quality Time, and yours is Words of Affirmation, you could be feeling like your love tank is empty if they never communicate how they feel about you while in the meantime, your partner is showing their love for you by choosing to spend the weekend together. 

When we become aware that we’re speaking different languages, we can then ask for our partner to show their love in our preferred language, recognize the love they are giving in their language, and also give better to our partner in their preferred language. 

We open the door for love to flow more easily between us, and for everyone to feel seen and cherished.

Here’s to happier, more fulfilling relationships.